Don’t worry – your eyes are working fine. Do not adjust your screens. This is, in fact, the first public blog I’ve posted in, like… over two weeks. Yes, public – the past few have just been for Mistress Charlotte. Who, honestly, is the reason this whole blog exists in the first place, so really it shouldn’t be that big of a deal if she’s the only one who gets the posts for a while.
Ownership in a BDSM context is… kind of a big deal. I think I’m realising that more and more in recent days. And Mistress was interested in hearing my thoughts on it, so – that’s how it is. Join me, won’t you?
Ownership is a big deal, but also – I find it kind of hard to define. Like, I’m not entirely sure if I could tell you when I became owned. Was it the 14th of March, 2019, where Mistress asked if I’d like to “step things up, kinkwise”? That’s certainly when our BDSM relationship became “official”, at least in my eyes. But ownership, to me, feels like more than just that, in a way that I can’t exactly pin down. Perhaps the day she had me buy the collar that I still wear, even now? Perhaps the day I bought the tag for the collar? The first time she referred to me as her property? Is it defined by some other milestone entirely? I really couldn’t tell you. It feels like such a big, important step, and yet I don’t even know if there was a point in time where it began, a point where one day I wasn’t owned and the next, I was.
Because, I definitely am now. There’s no question about that, both Mistress and I would be happy to confirm it. I just couldn’t pinpoint a day over the last three years when it happened, exactly. And, honestly? That’s OK. In a way I kind of like that it’s this vaguely defined thing in my head. Not necessarily, like, a concrete goal – “Slut, if you do these [x] things, then you will become Owned” – but a clear step up, above, towards something greater. It feels… special, to think about it, to think “I belong to her”. And it is special! Like, I know I just said I can’t define it, but I also don’t think that anyone who considers themselves submissive to someone else is automatically “owned” by them. It is more than that – I just don’t have the words to say how.
So, what does it actually mean to me, then, to be owned? It feels… exclusive, for one. I’ve often heard Dommes talking about how “owned subs” will pop up in their DMs begging to get dominated, and… that sucks, to me. Like, ownership takes time, and trust, and an emotional connection between a Domme and her sub – and you’re just out there squandering that by trying to chat up other Dommes to cheer your dick up? IDK. Obviously it depends on the dynamics in play, what you’ve specifically agreed on, etc. – and if she wants to loan you out to some of her friends, that’s a completely separate thing! But it just feels… disrespectful, above all else. Like slutting around, but in a bad way.
And I suppose that’s another thing, too. It’s built on trust, and time, and most likely a pretty strong bond between the Domme and the sub in question. I mean, that just makes sense, right? You can hardly decide to own somebody if you don’t know them – really know them, I mean. In kink AND out of kink. Know them better than they know themselves. Their likes, their dislikes, the things you don’t know if they like but think they would if you told them to. The things they don’t know they like, that you can’t wait to introduce them to. It all lends itself naturally to deeper and more intimate levels of play, as well – perhaps that comes more with the trust itself than anything else. But I feel like there’s a security that comes with considering yourself to belong to someone – to know that the person before you belongs to you – that allows things to just get a little more relaxed and fun. You’re quite literally entrusting yourself to them, putting all that you are in their hands, laying yourself bare before them. It’s… well, like I said. I think it’s a big deal.
Which is why there’s a responsibility to it all, as well. And both ways, too. A lot, to my mind, must rest with the Domme – this is someone giving themselves over to you, and I feel like that should be treated with the appropriate respect (I feel like I’m subtweeting somebody when I say it like that – I promise I’m not!). It takes a lot to trust somebody with, y’know, all of you, and if it’s not handled properly… I imagine it would really hurt, in a serious way. But, trust goes both ways in BDSM. The sub may not have staked a claim on their Domme in quite the same way, but remember, she’s chosen to make you hers. Chosen you. Don’t… make that choice a bad one, I guess. Do things that make her remember why she chose you, rather than things that make her regret it.
Ownership is… a lot of things, to me, and maybe that’s obvious. It’s comfort, and security, and trust, and care, and love. It’s a collar around the neck, it’s kneeling at her feet, it’s my head in her lap. Sometimes Mistress will say something about me being hers, or casually refer to me as her property, and it just warms my heart a little every time, to know that she completely means it. Hell, sometimes I just think about how I’m hers, and it does the trick. Not to say that it’s all sweetness and light, that it can’t still be filthy and horny and a little bit fucked up, because it absolutely can! But when all of that goes away… it’s still there. And that’s beautiful. Thanks for reading.
(Also please don’t take any of this as gospel truth on What An Owned Sub Should Be – these are just my feelings. 😘)