And… Breathe. (Resolutions, Day 176)

…hello? Are we all ok? Let me just do a quick headcount – I think everybody’s here. Alright! I think we survived the storm!

Indeed, it seems the worst of the hyper-horny – or “Breeding Season” as it is more commonly known – is behind us now. Honestly, I say “worst”, but let me be absolutely clear: this past week or so was so, impossibly, goddamn good. Not that you’d be able to tell that from any of my actions, or the seventeen consecutive blog posts I made about how mindblowingly hot it all was. But last night was really the culmination of it all, I think – the climax, if you will. And now, we’re on the other side, a little calmer, a little more peaceful, and a lot more knowledgeable about our own kinks. But don’t be deceived – this is not gone. I mentioned to Mistress Charlotte last night that there’s no going back from this, not completely – something fundamental has changed in the fabric of the world. This will always be a part of me now, I think. If last night was the climax, then this is the refractory period. How long will it last? Nobody can say. But we’ll be ready for it, won’t we? And if we aren’t… well, that’s pretty fun too.

It’s tricky, trying to get a retrospective look at something like this. Obviously I’ve got my blog posts to read through and piece together how things went, but… I kinda don’t want to go through them? My general policy is just to write whatever comes to mind, then leave it on the paper and not go back to it, trusting myself that it’s pretty good. And, not to brag, but it does usually work! But especially for something like this, I don’t really like reading my own writing. It wasn’t written for me, it was written for Mistress (and all of you other readers, but her first, always). Plus, even after all this… I still think breeding is my most embarrassing kink. It’s a combination of like twelve different factors – I don’t really know where it came from, it hit me ludicrously hard, it makes me say some outrageous things… If I were normal, I wouldn’t tell ANYONE about this. (And yet, here we are.) So to reread my own blogs on the topic, knowing full well just how into it I got… I could quite possibly blush myself to death.

…this makes me sound like I don’t like the kink, like I’m just dealing with it. That is ABSOLUTELY not the case. This past week has been some of the horniest, most exciting fun I have EVER had. Is it embarrassing how hard it hit me? Yeah, it makes me a regular blushing bride. But, god, it was exciting to feel myself that… worked up. I’ve known a few kinks over the years, and loved many of them so dearly. But I don’t recall any of them getting me quite like that. That one Commando Day – sorry, I just realised I’m talking like it’s the distant past – it was fucking YESTERDAY. My life really can be divided into pre- and post-breeding. Anyway, that Commando Day, where I was sitting in the office, trying not to turn into a puddle on the floor while Mistress detailed precisely how she would like to leave her baby boy a broken, fucked out mess… There’s quite literally nothing else like it. I was physically affected by it – and I don’t mean, like, I got a boner (although). My hands and legs were all shaky, it felt like I couldn’t see straight – if someone had tried to talk to me, I probably would’ve started drooling. Is that embarrassing to think about? Yeah, kinda! But it’s so hot in the moment that you just endure it, y’know? To go back over thoughts I captured in that moment… I feel like it just wouldn’t be the same? Or maybe it’d be incredibly hot? Certainly other people seemed to enjoy them.

Going back over my slutty scrapbook notes, though, is equal parts horny and hilarious. I guess because it’s not my own feelings that I’m revisiting – it’s mainly Mistress’s. And it pretty much starts out with her simply saying she had a visceral fantasy of shoving me facedown on the kitchen counter and having her way with me. Which, to be fair to her, was inspired by a blog I’d just written for Father’s Day about breedkink. So it’s not like she started it – I accept full responsibility for that one. It’s just funny to me that it starts out so comparatively tame, I guess. Considering that by the time we were at the “end”, it was all fantasies of breaking / being broken apart, railing your baby boy to within an inch of his life, pumping him full and cuffing him to the bed for nine months, etc etc. There was a definite escalation, shall we say. It was short, and sharp, and beautiful. And it really, really fucked me up in the best possible way.

I truly did delight in her reactions, just as much as she delighted in mine. There was a delicious urgency to her actions, turning into something primal as we reached peak fever. I feel pretty confident in saying that, were we a few thousand kilometres closer together, I would be covered in bite marks right now. It’s just something of a comfort to know that whatever switch was flipped in my head was turned on for her, too. Like, I wouldn’t have been able to get into this NEARLY as much as I did – if at all – had I been with… I was going to say “someone who was just playing along with it to indulge me”, but honestly? I don’t think I’d be into this at all if it were with anybody besides her. Besides my Mistress Charlotte. Maybe it’s just the closeness that comes with 3+ years together, maybe we just get each other in a way that wouldn’t work with anyone else? I don’t know. But I do know that I’m so incredibly happy to be where I am, with the person I’m with. I’m yours – but you already knew that.

…and now I’m getting genuinely emotional. Why am I feeling feelings over breeding kink of all things? Fucking hormones. Thanks for reading.

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