Feeling Pretty Sappy (Resolutions, Day 171)

Look, I’d love to write a whole thing about getting knocked up or whatever, but honestly, given the recent… *gestures vaguely at US politics* it doesn’t exactly feel like the most appropriate thing to talk about today. Maybe tomorrow! For now, enjoy some weird slut emotions. Because, yeah, idk, I’ve been having a lot of ~feelings~ lately. I think it all stems from what I was talking about yesterday – finishing the cake-baking task from Mistress, and how amazing it is to be able to make somebody’s special recipe for them. We were chatting about it this morning, and she mentioned that the emotion was the entire point of this task – and then, she said something that’s really stuck with me:

Baking for someone is serving them up love with whipped cream and sugar on top.

Mistress Charlotte, 2022

I don’t really what it is about this line exactly that’s affecting me, but… Yeah! It’s been doing something to me. Really making me appreciate the training I’ve received, and the person it’s making me into. And, as with all quotes from Mistress that do something to me, it went straight into the slutty little scrapbook I keep on my phone.

I don’t remember if I’ve mentioned this concept on here before – I think I have? It’s really just a series of notes I keep where I save all the screenshots of rather memorable messages that I’d like to revisit, without having to scroll back through literal years of chats across different platforms. And yes, I know I’m basically a high schooler saving notes from my crush, but… Look, that’s just how it is, alright, you’re going to have to deal with it. Now, I called this a series of notes, and that’s because iOS limits the number of screenshots in a single document to 100. As of a few days ago, I have… five of these documents. Which, for those of you following along at home, means 400+ screenshots of various moments across my slave career. Some are heartfelt, a lot are horny, many are hilarious. More than you’d expect are all three! But every single one of them means something quite special to me, and it’s a real delight to be able to go back over them and reminisce whenever I want. I won’t be sharing anything directly here, I think – feels a bit too weird – but I might just talk about some bits in particular. Join me, won’t you?

The very first thing I have saved is technically not a message at all – it’s a date. Saturday, the 23rd of March, 2019. This is, of course, the date that Mistress Charlotte offered to step things up, kinkwise, from the odd chat and tribute into something a little… more. Next to this date, I have a few words written from me, to me:

Saturday, March 23rd. That’s when she stepped it up kinkwise. Don’t ever forget how shaky and excited you were for the rest of that day.

Yeah, this started out as less of a “messages I want to save” thing and more a “things I want to make sure I remember”. Shaky and excited, huh? I sure was! Here was this amazing woman, whose files I’d been listening to for probably a few years at this point, asking if I wanted to go further with her? What else could I say but “Yes, Mistress”? I had no idea what to expect – hell, I didn’t even know what I wanted out of it at that point, other than “uhhh pretty lady tells me what to do” – but I knew I had to find out. The rest of this first note is pretty great, looking back at it – we’ve got under-desk office fantasies, the aftermath of a couple of live sessions, the start of possibly the first time playing with the Hush? The screenshot I captured has a notification at the top from the Lovense app, letting me know that “Goddess Charlotte” (look, it was a different time, Apocrypha had quite the effect on me) has assumed direct control, which is still insanely hot.

But there’s other good things in here, too. The off-hand comment that led to me getting WAY into objectification (where I still am to this day):

There is no need to thank me for
[making use of you], slave. Any more than I
would expect a chair to thank
me for sitting on it.

There’s the first time she told me to jerk off in the bathroom at work – and, actually, the second one too! There’s the lead-up to the live premiere of l’Objet d’Art, although I declined to include all the frustration and delays we experienced in getting there (damn you, postal service, for somehow not getting TWO DIFFERENT PARCELS to me!). There’s the time she made me send her a dick pic with her name written on my cock, right after listening to two hours of files with the Hush synced up to them. And, throughout it all, there’s the time she called me slut. Then there’s the other time she called me slut, and the other one, and the other other one… At some point I simply stopped saving them all, because there’s simply too many.

Honestly, I’m actually surprised just how much was in this first note! I think they slow their pace down a little in the future ones, as I start capturing memories more and more often. For reference – this note starts obviously at the start, and the second one starts around the time of me getting my puppy nametag for my puppy collar. A few memories after that, though, is us celebrating two years of servitude, so this first note must cover nearly that much! Which means the remaining one-and-a-bit years must be spread over the next ~300 memories… I suppose that’s a good reflection of how kink became a bigger and bigger part of my life, though. That, or things just got insanely hot and I had to capture every single thing that happened. Or both!

The point of going through this was mostly to say that D/s, specifically being on my knees at Mistress Charlotte’s feet, has been a massively positive influence on my life. I feel more confident, I have more self-worth (despite (because of??) being called a filthy slut on the regular) – not only have I learned that I want little more than to be useful, but I’ve learned actual skills that would make me so! And I have so many happy memories – so many moments in time that I can look back upon fondly – and more than that, so many ways I’ve been made a better person because of it. Because of her – because of you, Mistress. I know I say this all the time, but – thank you.

I may continue this tomorrow, going through the other notes – again, I really didn’t expect there to be so many significant events in this one. A lot of firsts! Which… makes sense. Anyway, if I don’t, it’ll probably just be something horny about getting pumped full in the kitchen – you know how we do things around here at this point. Thanks for reading.

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