Brain Status: Thoroughly Washed (Resolutions, Day 159)

You know, I mentioned the other day how Mistress Charlotte always calling me “slut” has a certain ensluttening effect on my mind. It’s constant, consistent – no matter the situation or the circumstances, I am forever “slut”. And as such, it makes me want to act more like a slut, to live up to the name, in a sense. Naturally, when Mistress sees a slut acting like a slut, she’s going to address it as such – and so the spiral of sluttery turns ever deeper.

Perhaps unsurprisingly, I feel like I’ve been experiencing a similar thing throughout the course of Mistress’s Laundry Day hypnotic loops. Just as I did today, I’ve primarily been listening to Project Trance-Formation – Dismantled, Blackout, Overdrive, and Whole, get them now on Niteflirt! – for these trancey playlists, and it’s having a number of effects on me. Firstly, although I couldn’t tell you any of the words right now, they do jump into my head as I’m listening to them. Mistress will say a few words, then pause – and my mind is like “here’s the rest of the sentence for you”. It’s an interesting sensation! Definitely adds to the brainwashing feeling – like, “your conscious self may not be able to recite these words, but your mind knows, so it’s ok”.

Another thing about them is something I think I’ve mentioned before, although it bears repeating. When I listen to what Mistress is saying to me in these files – about being dismantled and put back together, to better serve her far more important desires; about being mindless, and blank, putting higher thought on hold and simply obeying; about being an absolute slut, and forsaking all else to try and sate my addiction to arousal and submission – I think “wow, I agree with, literally, every single thing she’s saying here”. I still haven’t determined whether that was always the case, or whether my mind has simply been fully taken over, through repeated listenings and, of course, Mistress Charlotte’s own ensluttening effects on me when I’m not listening. Is it a good thing to listen to brainwashing, mind-melting hypnosis, the kind that says some frankly outrageous things about what I am (slut, owned, slave) and what my purpose is (submission, obedience, Mistress’s pleasure) – and to come away from those same files agreeing with every word? I think it is.

Keen-eyed readers may notice that I only described three sessions there, and didn’t mention Whole. That’s because I want to talk especially about it now. Memory association is a wonderful thing, and I’ve spent so much of my time with Project Trance-Formation in the very room I’m writing this in – between Laundry Day and having to listen to it for baking purposes – that whenever I listen to it in a different context, it still reminds me a little of being naked in a slutty apron, leaning over the kitchen counter and working on malewife tasks. Whole, though, is an exception. Right across from where I’m sitting now is my kitchen, and in that kitchen is the counter where I took this photo:

Again, I think I talked about this at the time, but it’s hot, so shhhh. Immediately before this was taken, I’d said to Mistress that I’d let her do anything she wanted to me, as long as she was having fun. She agreed that this was as it should be, and then told me to fuck my sluthole in my malewife uniform, and to send her a video. I did, it was extremely sexy, you know how it is. I went harder on myself in that video than I think I ever have, and my body was extremely cooperative – I went hard, and deep, and fast, over and over. I say all of this because, I fucked myself so powerfully that my legs were quaking, and I was genuinely concerned that they might give out. And that’s when I recalled a line from Whole, about “holding myself up on trembling limbs”, while I receive the pounding that I do desperately crave. I’ve actually, physically, lived the experience she described there. Sure, you could say the same about Dismantled, as I pretty obviously want to serve my Mistress’s pleasure above all else. Or Overdrive, because I’m clearly a slut. But that one thing just felt really special to me. And I actually do think fondly about it every time I look at that counter. I need to be filled up – stuffed full – holes stretched wide around something thick, and heavy, and solid. And for a while, that’s all I was. And it was beautiful.

My original idea for this blog was going to be about how, as a slut/slave/object, my pleasure is derived – well, primarily from the pleasure of my Mistress and her friends, actually. But in physical terms, pleasure is more from receiving than it is from giving. I’m more “holes to be filled” than the one that does the filling. But I might save that for tomorrow, if I can figure a way to flesh it out somewhat. Thanks for reading!

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