Control (Resolutions, Day 132)

Control is, perhaps unsurprisingly, one of my favourite concepts when it comes to D/s dynamics and relationships. I just received an email from Anne O Nomis regarding her BDSM bottom survey(s) which I filled in… months ago? The linear passage of time strikes once again. Anyway, she was emailing regarding something I had mentioned about erotic hypnosis and my first experiences with it. Apparently – and this was long enough ago that I don’t remember writing it – I said that I was “fascinated about someone else having that control over me – or me having such a lack of control over myself”. What a great phrasing, past Morgan! She was basically asking some follow-up questions regarding if I recalled any past experiences where something else had control over me, which I regrettably did not. But it DID make me think about control in general, which is always fun.

Because, yes, having someone else in control of me is always a delight. I’ve become incredibly aware of that over these past three years – which, uh, you’re probably aware of, given how much time I spend swooning over Mistress Charlotte and her house rules, among other things. But the follow-up to that is delicious, too – if someone else has control over me, that means I do not have control over myself. That power is gone from me – whether it was taken by force, or willingly offered up (or both? Both sounds nice), it isn’t in my hands anymore. Something Mistress said recently sort of resonates with that, the same thing I mentioned after yesterday’s soufflé disaster – “you do better when you don’t try to be in charge”. True, she was talking about baking, but I feel like she definitely applies that to all aspects of my life.

And in fact, scrolling back through my “really hot things Mistress has said to me” notes, there’s quite a few little quotes that really hit the right spot with regard to control over me. Some I’ve committed to memory, they were so lovely – “you always look so content when following orders”, for instance. The way that all of those orders are phrased, actually, too – it’s always “you’ll do [x]”, or something similar. Not asking, sometimes not even telling. Just a simple statement of fact – I will do this thing, and that’s all there is to it. I can’t deny her, and I know that, and she knows that. End of sentence. Or after I got back from my in-person session, and I was debriefing her on how it went, I remember her asking me “how did it feel to be bound and literally unable to stop her using you?”. That one’s definitely stuck in the ol’ slut-brain. Actually, physically, deprived of any control.

But MOST most recently, there was a post she made on her Loyalfans which I shan’t spoil for premium purposes, but did result in me sending her a paragraph of begging to be controlled by her. And what did she have to say in response?

Oh silly boy. Like YOU of all people, have any choice about it.

Mistress Charlotte, 2022, being hot as hell.

And really, doesn’t that just say it all? I don’t even have control over whether I have any control or not. It’s all in her hands, because I knelt before her and bowed my head and put it there. Or maybe she took it from me? Or maybe it’s both. Both sounds nice. Whatever the case, it’s there now, and everything is exactly as it should be.

…oh, also I bought a hand mixer today. I’m working from home tomorrow to get some washing done – the weekend was too miserable for anything to dry, so I didn’t even try – so I’m thinking I might make another soufflé attempt after work! God, that’s got to be the most malewife thing I’ve ever written. I love it. Thanks for reading.

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