A Night of bleh (Resolutions, Day 112)

Yeah, sometimes it’s just one of those nights, y’know? Raaaandom anxiety!

So, we’ve got a morning tea coming up later this week for work. I’m not worried about that specifically – just gotta make sure to go shopping the night before, pick up some biscuits or something, ezpz. But the reason for the morning tea, is that my boss is leaving the team for six months (which I’ve mentioned before) and another one of our team is leaving us for another team. Which makes me think of a few things! It’s pretty bittersweet that more team members are leaving – even though I’m happy for them, I like these guys, quite a bit! And so I don’t really want them to go.

But it also reminds me that I’m six months into my twelve month contract, and there’s no guarantee of continued employment here once that’s up. And I really, really like it here. Now, I have got an application in for my boss’s soon to be vacant position – which, while I’m not trying to get my hopes up about it, three of my colleagues did recommend me for. Even me, the most self-deprecating man alive, can admit I would theoretically be a pretty good fit for the role. But I was working today, trying to help people with their issues – I am the most veteran among us right now! And I feel like a lot of the time, my answers on this thing I’m supposed to be knowledgeable on were so vague and wishy-washy, or just “This should be fine, but maybe go and check with [Boss] just to make sure”. And then on top of that, she’s also got other roles that aren’t just helping us, which I assume I’d have to step into, and idk what they are or how to do then (I’m assuming, seeing as I don’t actually know what they are). And then on top of THAT, even if I do get the job, and I don’t instantly crumble to pieces and do an alright job, it’s still just six months. In theory, yes, having done this work and gotten this experience puts me in a more favourable position. But that’s still in theory. And I’d feel much better with some actual confirmation about the future!

But, I mean, everyone has this, right? Especially nowadays. Nobody knows what’s coming next week, let alone six months down the track. There’s not much else I can do but just give it my best and see what happens. Which is maybe a little resigned, but… eh? That’s just how it be, I suppose.

God, I knew this thinking business wasn’t good for me! Imagine how much better off I’d be without all these silly little thoughts in my silly little head. So much easier to be a dumb little slut, just serving and obeying and pleasing, getting all my holes filled like a good toy. It can’t last forever, of course, the real world will always come back. But it’d be nice for a time, I think. Nothing else for a while, just purest sluttery. *sigh*. Thanks for reading.

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