Vague Subby Thoughts (Resolutions, Day 92)

I’ve mentioned a few times before (ok, several times) how submission really does just feel like the right place for me to be. Freedom in slavery, and all that. But… It really is just a nice state of being, y’know? The feeling of being owned completely – body, mind, soul, all that I am – there’s simply nothing else like it. It’s the… security, that comes with being property. There’s so much less to worry about, I can just listen, and obey, and all will be well.

Obviously there’s more to submission than that, though, of course. Especially when your identity involves being of service, thinking for yourself (as painful as that can be when you’re a mindless slut) and anticipating ways to be useful can be well appreciated, and can lighten the load somewhat for your Domme, both in terms of you being of service, and also her not having to think for you. But outside of that, it often feels like the best thing to do is to leave the thinking to those more qualified – and just trust that they’ll make good use of you when the time comes.

Back to submission in general, though. Mistress Charlotte once said of me that I “always look so content when following orders” – and I think I’d agree. Not necessarily with the visual appearance, as I don’t really know what I look like when obeying (not even I’m slutty enough to watch my own whore videos) – but internally, I think I can feel that same contentment, when I’ve got a task to do. Like when I was doing my embroidery the other… week? (Damn you, linear passage of time.) Yes, I was just sitting on the couch doing some needlework. No, externally it wasn’t anything particularly submissive, or slutty, or anything. But just having the knowledge that I’m doing this thing, making something physical, because Mistress thinks it’s a good skill for a prospective malewife to have – it really did bring this sort of calmness with it. Maybe it’s just the fact that I was concentrating so much on this thing – so focused on this new hobby. Who knows? But I feel like the submissive aspect is definitely part of it.

Bottom line, I think I’m at my best when I’m submitting. And, in minor ways, I pretty much constantly am. I’m collared at home, I’m caged always – submission is essentially an ongoing thing for me right now. And yes, lest I forget, I am always a slut, too. Mistress has made very sure to drum that into my little whore-brain – I’ve said this before, but she’s called me “slut” more times than she’s used my actual name. No matter the context, whether it’s sweet or abject filth – I will always be “slut”. And again, there’s something refreshing about that. There’s a security to it, that this is me, any time, always.

I don’t think I had much of a theme in mind for this one – as you can tell by the title, I suppose – but I think the takeaway is that, by virtue of living by myself, with Mistress’s house rules, and plenty of other reminders, I am more or less always thinking about submission. It’s become a core part of my brain. And that brings a real contentment which I don’t think I could get anywhere else. Which is nice to think about. Thanks for reading.

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