Resolutions, Day 70

I… sort of have a vague idea of what I want to say in this one, but I don’t really know how to start it, how to end it, or how I’m going to get there. So, I’m just gonna, like, go, and we’ll just see what happens, I guess.

Submission has obviously been a pretty big part of my life for the past few years – it’s fair to say it’s crossed my mind just about literally every day since Mistress Charlotte and I started talking. And I feel like my attitude to it has certainly changed over that time – but I don’t think I’ve ever closely examined myself, and my own submission, to figure out what exactly is going on there.

I know for a fact that I like the word “slut”, and that I enjoy being of service to Mistress, and to powerful women in general. This much, I think, you’d be able to tell from reading the name of the blog you’re on. But let’s look a little deeper at that, shall we? It’s not just limited to “slut” – I enjoy being called “whore”, or “slave”, even the occasional “desperate bitch”. But it never really feels like degradation, or humiliation, to me – it’s never “worm”, or “pig”, or etc. “Loser” I mostly accept from Miss Lexa because she’s rather fond of it, but it’s not one I would pick out for myself (not that any of this is or should be up to me, but y’know). It’s not even that I don’t like being degraded – I’ve written fantasies before about being aggressively bred by Mistress, only to be dropped face-down in an accumulation of her strap-on cum once she’s done – and that’s still hot as hell to me. The key thing, I think, is that I don’t want to be a worthless slave. I want to be a slave you can be proud of – I want to be of actual service to you. “Slut” isn’t a label I consider humiliating – it’s an affectionate term of endearment, applied to a slave that has served you well. The fact that this slave is actually also a massive slut helps too, mind.

Service, too, is an interesting one. I love doing what I’m told, obviously, and often there’s big overlap between that and the general sluttery. These things often keep me firmly in the slut mindset – no point in having doubts about if you’re a real slut when you just lapped up your own cum from a dog bowl, then took a picture showing it off in your mouth. That’s simply not something a non-whore does, no two ways about it. What makes obedience especially good, though, is that the things I do are almost always for Mistress Charlotte’s benefit. Whether it’s because it amuses her to know that her slave is stuffed from both ends and brainwashing himself to her words, or it’s a more specific task, that benefits her in other ways – it’s all for Mistress. And I kind of love that! Our D/s is online only, which is pretty necessary given the massive distance between us, and so it’s not always easy for me to provide meaningful service to her. All I can do is check in regularly (hopefully not too regularly!) and see if there’s anything I can do to make her life better. The fact that she’s still coming up with ways for me to serve her is a true testament to her incredible skill as a Mistress, and I’m so thankful to be hers. (This isn’t to say.that I don’t show my own initiative in serving, btw – but often it feels better to ask what would be pleasing rather than guess for myself.)

I feel like I had more to say on my submission, but it’s been half an hour and the ideas are kind of leaving my brain. I might put a pin in this for now and come back tomorrow, where I’ll have more to say on why, say, being called a disgraceful little whore is actually incredibly sweet. Thanks for reading.

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