Resolutions, Day 55

Recommended listening is Stop, from the album Woman, by Justice – but I’m too tired / “literally in bed” to bother looking up the video. Just trust me I guess? It’s pretty good imo.

Yeah, once again I got way too caught up in playing Elden Ring (read: dying repeatedly to insanely hard bosses and having a great time with it) and didn’t leave myself much time or brain capacity for writing this. It’s just as well that nobody reads these – the quality of my writing really drops off a cliff when I don’t have a specific idea to work with, to say nothing of how bad it gets when I’m just trying to finish it up so I can go to sleep. I really do need to remember to leave time earlier in the afternoon for them.

Speaking of remembering – damn, I was going to listen to Mistress’s Femme Fatalism tonight, after she posted it on her Loyalfans. Now it’s much too late – I’m too tired to be horny, and even if I tried anyway, I’d most likely fall straight asleep long before we got to the good stuff (overstimulation). It truly is an incredible session, and one I feel like I haven’t listened to in a while? I’ll definitely make time for it tomorrow night – and, you know what? I’m going to go all in – full overstimulation. Normally I do find myself slowing down or holding back, but not this time. I’m going to cum, and then I’m going to keep going, because that’s what Mistress Charlotte wants of me. Because the idea would amuse her, I think – to know there’s a slut on the other side of the world, stroking on her orders, stroking until it hurts and then continuing anyway, just because she said so. If I’m going to receive pleasure, it only seems fair that it be accompanied by some pain, right?

Of course, the fact that it’s accompanied by Mistress Charlotte’s pleasure really goes without saying at this point – not that that’ll stop me saying about it, mind. I was thinking earlier, when I was filling in this puppy slut bingo – I really do just want to make people happy. I want to make Mistress happy. My pleasure is derived solely from hers – if she wants me to do something, then I do it. Not because I’m a weak, slutty little slave for her (although I am). Not because she’s got my empty little whore head filled to the brim with her words (although she does, and it is). But just because I know it would make her smile. I try and make the whole thing about fulfilling her desires rather than my own – which, I guess by doing that, would still be fulfilling my own, but you know what I mean. I don’t want it to be like “she dominates me the way I like it” – I want it to be “I enable her to do whatever she pleases, with me or otherwise”.

…I barely even know what I’m writing, here. I think I may have literally fallen asleep in the middle, briefly. Tomorrow’s will be better, probably, maybe. Thanks for reading.

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