Resolutions, Day 51

Recommended listening: “One More Time, Aerodynamic” from ALIVE 2007, by Daft Punk.

Music’s got me feeling so free,
We’re gonna celebrate,
Celebrate and dance so free,
One more time!

I heard they streamed some sort of replay of their 1997 live concert today? I assume somebody somewhere recorded it, so I might check it out later – it sounds pretty cool! I can’t believe it’s been a year to the day that they broke up. ALIVE 2007 is probably one of my favourite albums of all time – one of those things where I pretty much never want to skip a single track. On top of that, a decent amount of why I love Tron Legacy so much (it’s, like, a top 3 movie for me) is because of the stellar job Daft Punk did on the soundtrack – also a pretty highly ranking album for me, if I’m being honest.

Something I was thinking about today is the number of paradoxes about my submissive existence. Not really paradoxes, I suppose, it’s more just… contradictory? I mean, for a start, you have a line I’ve heard from Mistress Charlotte’s Chaste time and time and time again – blank mind, empty head, full balls. Empty and full, a delicious contradiction. I want to be kept chaste and denied, but also made as slutty as is humanly possible. I want to be the sole focus of my Mistress’s attentions – but also surrounded by her and her friends, as they tear me apart and mindfuck me to pieces for their amusement. I want to be subtly whorish in public – for instance, going about my day without underwear – but I also want to be put up in a shop window and shown off for the world to see. Or taken for a walk in Mistress’s collar and leash, or brought out as a party favour on a busy night in town…

And I suppose that’s one of the many benefits of being a submissive little slave, is that I don’t have to choose. I don’t even get the option of choosing – Mistress knows exactly what I need, better than I do, and I’ll always be happy to obey. But even that in itself carries some contradictions to me – I don’t want to choose for myself, but neither do I constantly want to put the burden of deciding everything onto Mistress’s shoulders. And the same is true for the reverse – I’d like to show some initiative by doing things for Mistress Charlotte, but I don’t want to push my own desires to the forefront. (Which isn’t to say that subs should never have their needs/desires met, obviously this is a two-way thing, but that’s a conversation for a different time).

I suppose the simplest thing for me to do, as ever, is to just listen, and obey, and do as I’m told. Keep an eye and an ear out for ways to be useful, to be pleasing, and otherwise just be my submissive, subservient, slutty little self. I feel like I could handle that – don’t you? Having constant House Rules to follow certainly helps immensely in keeping me in that mindset – I’ve spoken multiple times about how having to get down on my knees and practically press my forehead into the floor, just to get a drink of water, is equal parts incredibly hot and a great reminder of my place. The same can be said for the constant presence of Mistress’s collar around my neck – for the plug sitting comfortably in my sluthole – for the brainwashing loops melting my mind when I do my laundry – for the satisfaction I feel sleeping on the floor every Friday. Is it less comfortable than my perfectly good, wonderful bed? Oh yes, absolutely. But that choice isn’t up to me – and I love it that way. Thanks for reading.

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