Resolutions, Day 21

Today’s recommended listening: Gunman, from the album Them Crooked Vultures, by, uh, Them Crooked Vultures.

It don’t matter don’t try to explain
You’re just another dog to be trained
Choke chained
You gonna end up under tooth and nail
If you catch a tiger by the tail
Don’t fail

Them Crooked Vultures, like a lot of my non VGM-based music library, are a band one of my friends who actually knew what music was put me onto back in high school. Prior to that, I… don’t really know what I would’ve listened to. Probably whatever CDs my parents had lying around, I suppose. I do vividly remember listening to a “Best of Savage Garden” album quite a bit, and my dad always had some Deep Purple or Rainbow playing (and still does, for that matter). But bands like this, and Muse, and Arctic Monkeys, and a bunch of others have stayed in my music library to this day. Every once in a while I’ll remember that it’s a good human thing to, y’know, update what you listen to (beyond downloading the soundtrack to whatever I’ve been playing recently) and I’ll check to see what new albums they’ve been working on. Which is how I learned that Them Crooked Vultures have been on hiatus since 2010, and actually don’t HAVE any new stuff! Ah well. Dave Grohl still seems like he’s interested somewhat, so… we’ll see?

My taste at the time was VERY malleable to what other people were into. It still is, I suppose – whenever I’m having drinks with friends I never have any idea what to order, and just go with their suggestion. It’s that, or a wildly uninformed pick off the menu! Which, now that I think about it, is pretty much how it was with the music, too. I had no idea what I liked – although I do recall “not liking anything that was on the radio”… Poor, idiot boy. Other than that, though, I just took in whatever people recommended. I still have a physical list saved somewhere of artists, albums, anime, manga, that a girl in my science class wrote up for me to check out. I think I also had a pretty huge crush on her, and I think she may have felt the same way? But, as I said, I was but a simple idiot boy, and I wouldn’t dare make a move. That much at least, has not changed.


Tangentially related – I don’t remember if I’ve mentioned, but in our team at work we’ve got a guy just out of university doing an internship with us. And, as of next month, he’ll be in a position in our team proper! He’s a good guy, really funny, and we get along quite well – but, being fresh out of uni, he is a bit… Well, he’s 20. 21, actually, as of a few days ago, but still. He was born after the year 2000. Which, being someone who has a baby cousin around the same age, kinda freaks me out a little. Like, I’m only really a few years older than you if you think about it, but – you’re just a baby! You shouldn’t be talking about drinking and drugs and women! But, that’s just the way of things. Time passes, people grow older, time passes some more. It is what it is! He was asking someone else in our team for a girl of girl advice, and whatever she said clearly worked, because he’s got himself a date lined up! I would’ve been terrified to even think about telling/asking someone about that sort of thing when I was that age – hell, I am now. And the actual asking on a date would not feel much better, I think. It’s just always been this thing in my head – I’m not much of an initiative-taker, and while I do enjoy chatting with people once I get to know them, paradoxically it’s that “getting to know someone I don’t already know” bit that freaks me out. I’d sooner die before I attempted to chat someone up at a bar or a party or whatever – my brain’s much too shy, much too awkward to manoeuvre around that.

Moving away from the dating aspect, though – perhaps that’s what part of what drew me to femdom, in the end. Removing the idea of taking that initiative in the first place – a space where I’m more reactive, than proactive. Doing what I’m told, obeying orders. It genuinely just feels much more comfortable than having to think up things to do for myself. Plus, I get to exist for the service and pleasure of someone I care very deeply about, so, hey! Win-win. Thanks for reading.

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