Resolutions, Day 13

Today’s recommended listening is, of course, to follow in my stead and put Enslaved and Chaste on an endless loop for the entire day. Failing that, though, I can also recommend 347 Midnight Demons, by Carpenter Brut.

Seriously, though, if you can get away with a day’s brainwashing…

Well, in case that little preamble didn’t tip you off – today was my laundry day. But it was also my Laundry Day, i.e. the day I listen to brainwashing, mind-melting loops on repeat out loud for the entire day, as per Mistress Charlotte’s delightful House Rules. I know it’s not strictly part of the rule to do the brainwashing on the day when I do my actual laundry, but… Well, it seems in the spirit of the thing to combine them, doesn’t it? Plus, they work well together – if I’m doing laundry I’m probably hanging around home anyway, and that just gives me even more time to get mindfucked.

It really is such a fun rule, this one. The added condition of doing the listening out loud doesn’t seem like it would affect things too much on the surface – I’m here by myself, after all, what difference does it make if I listen through headphones or out loud? But it opens up all sorts of fun interactions – like when I’m watching TV and everything goes quiet for a second, just in time for me to hear Mistress remind me of the delicious contradiction that I am – blank mind, empty head, full balls. Denial is so much better than the alternative for a slave, for a slut, for me.

And, now that being a chaste slave is on my mind – I genuinely don’t remember the last time I decided for myself “Hmm, I think I’ll have an orgasm”. It simply isn’t something that’s under my control – it’s not my place to make that decision. Why would it be? How could it be? Thinking is unnecessary for toys. Deciding things independently is completely out of the question. Obedience, submission, denial – this is what I need. It’s so blissful, to be kept this way – a much superior pleasure, to me. I crave to serve, I ache to be used. The pleasure of my betters is all that ultimately matters to me.

Back to the brainwashing, though – there really is only so long you can hear something before it starts impressing itself upon you, becoming a part of you. It feels to me like I’ve always thought these things, always agreed with Mistress Charlotte’s words – but have I? Or does my mind simply accept it now, the constant repetition wearing it down to something smooth and malleable, something she can shape as she desires, and form into a more pleasing object. This, I think, is the ultimate goal of a slave – free will stripped away, your only purpose to be whatever she wants you to be. Toy, tool, object, hole – needy slut or faceless drone – obedient boy awaiting orders on his knees, or fucked-out mess sprawled out on the ground. Anything. Everything. Whatever she wants, always.

…anyway, my point is, I think the brainwashing might be having an effect on me. Maybe. Just a little one… well, to be honest I’m pretty much like this all the time, aren’t I? Ah well. Thanks for reading. 😘

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