I See You Shiver With Antici…

pation.

A special thanks as ever to my Mistress, without whom none of this may ever have happened.


Cast your minds back, back to the distant past of… like, two-and-a-half months ago. Around the time I was writing Obliterated (if you didn’t read it, it’s basically a massively horny fantasy write-up about me getting absolutely ruined), I sent a preview of the intro paragraph off to my Mistress, to see if she’d be interested in me continuing it. She was – obviously, otherwise it wouldn’t exist – and said I should definitely continue with it. But then, she said something else.

Also, now you’re giving me ideas of sending you to a local in-person domme for a good, hard fucking.

Mistress Charlotte, 2021

This was an idea I’d never had before. Obviously I’d love a good hard fucking from my Mistress – what good slut doesn’t?! – but until they invent the 19,000km strap-on, it’s not exactly a feasible idea. On top of that, NZ’s domme talent is not exactly a major export – I’m certain there is some, of course, but it’s never really presented itself to me, and I’ve lived in such small towns that I’ve never bothered to look. But once she mentioned the idea, I knew I had to find a way to make it happen. So I started looking.

Most dommes are, of course, in the bigger cities – so imagine my surprise when I came across Madam X. She’d recently made a post in a local group on Fetlife saying she was moving to this part of the country – the timing couldn’t have been more perfect! So I got in touch, and explained the situation – “my Mistress wants me to get fucked, but she’s on the other side of the world! Can you help?” – and she was happy to oblige, even offering to supply Mistress Charlotte with photo/video evidence! We went back and forth for a while, sussing out some of the logistics, and then once the fundamentals were in place… All there was to do was wait. She was still new to the area, after all, so I had to wait until she was properly situated before she could come out and session with me.

A few weeks went by, and the idea was stuck firmly in my mind for a lot of the time. I’ve never done anything like this before with a domme, not physically, not in-person. And we hadn’t specified any of the details of the session yet – she wanted to know what my Mistress wanted to see happen to me first – so my imagination was on overdrive, picturing all the potential possibilities of how I would get fucked. It was all so exciting! Would I be beaten? Tied up? Blindfolded, gagged, railed half to death? I really just didn’t know. And for a couple of reasons – not only did I not know what Mistress Charlotte would plan for me, I also didn’t know how those plans would be interpreted by Madam X. My Mistress knows me better than I do by this point, so if she wants something to happen to me, I know it’ll be OK – but I barely know Madam X, and she’ll be the one putting it into practice. Would everything be alright?


All that to say – I was excited, very much so. But I was also… a little anxious about the whole thing. Not just for what would happen to me – but also how I would respond to it.

Would I be able to take it? Would I really be able to submit, PHYSICALLY submit, to somebody like this? I’ve done things for my Mistress before, of course, but how would it be when there’s actually somebody there, doing the things to me?

I’ve fucked myself before, but never BEEN fucked like this. What if something went wrong, or I wasn’t able to take it properly?

I’ve never known if I could take much pain in a kink context, what if my tolerance is really low? What if I’m not such a giant slut after all? What if it turns out I’m terrified of bondage?

What if, what if, what if…

It weighed on me a little, to be honest. But after a while of waiting, the immediacy of the situation faded somewhat, and the anxious thoughts went somewhere to the back of my mind. Replaced my more immediate concerns, like Locktober, and being a general whore for my Mistress, and Locktober, and life stuff, and oh yeah Locktober.


And then. Just a few days ago. I get another message from Madam X.

She’s nearly ready to meet. All she needs now is Mistress Charlotte’s instructions for what she’d like done to me (and a few other preparation-y things). I was excited! I told Mistress, and SHE was excited! She said she’d give it some thought and come back to me – but first, she wanted to know MY thoughts. And, so, I told her I was a little nervy – obviously WE go together great (at least I like to think so), but what if Madam X and I don’t mesh that well?

But my Mistress was there to reassure me – this woman is a professional, after all, and she would certainly be more than well-equipped to handle first-timers like me. And, despite being such a deeply enslaved little slut – if anything was going wrong for me, I could still leave at any time. Subs always have their rights, even in times when they want to feel like they don’t. Plus, ultimately, she knew that my nerves would give way to excitement soon enough – especially when I remembered that I was doing all of this for her. And she was right!

Now, stomping on ME in six-inch stilettos, that’s still on the table.

And so, with confidence renewed, the excitement was there again, and in full force. Mistress gave me her list of requests to pass on, and my goodness, it was a good one. I was to bring my “SLUT” imprint spanking paddle, so she could bend me over her knee and use it on me properly. Then, she wanted me to get fucked good and hard. Throughout the entire thing, I was not to remove two very key items – my chastity cage (still on from Locktober, FYI) and her slave puppy collar. She asked if there were any requests I wanted to field – and when I suggested some manner of bondage, she enthusiastically agreed.

You know, this ol’ thing.

So I passed on her requests, like a good little slut, and Madam X seemed most agreeable to them! We chatted a bit more, worked out some fine details (date, time, location), and then set up a time for a call prior to finalising the appointment. She was lovely to speak to, and showed quite quickly that she really knew her stuff – asking a few questions to discern my experience, and telling a few great stories of her own. Ultimately, we landed on a date, I sent a deposit, and now… It really is just waiting.


The date is set. The location is locked in. I know more-or-less what’s going to happen to me, barring a few surprises. And I’m pretty confident that between the two dommes involved, everything will go according to plan.

This time next week, I will have been bound and fucked, good and hard. And I will emerge from the other side, sluttier than ever.

And I can’t fucking wait.

I’m going to get fucked. Me! This is something I’ve been thinking about – being a submissive in-person – since my Mistress decided to own me, nearly three years ago. And it’s really going to happen!

I think what’s most thrilling to me is not my own excitement. It’s the fact that my Mistress is just as excited for be to be ruined as I am. And why wouldn’t she be? She set this whole thing up, after all. And knowing that the whole thing will be captured on film – her own little femdom porno, starring her own little slutty slave – it’s just too perfect. She’ll be able to enjoy it over, and over, and over again, as much as she likes. Enjoy me, enjoy my suffering, enjoy my pain for her pleasure – knowing that I would take it a hundred times over if she asked. She’ll be able to see me bound, and collared, and caged, choking on a strap-on that we all know is going to be railing me any minute.

And… well, beyond that, who knows what she’ll see? Will the word “slut” truly be imprinted on my ass? Will I be teased, and tortured, and tormented? Only Madam X knows for now, and she’s not telling until the day.

But whatever happens, I’m looking forward to it. ❤

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