So, I’ve been thinking about pro Dommes a lot recently. They’re great, aren’t they?
Specifically, I’ve been thinking about the distinction between “pro” and “lifestyle” Dommes. There’s an idea that the two are opposites – that pros are doing it for the money, while lifestyle Dommes do it just for the love of the game. But that can’t really be right. For one, so many pros are also lifestyle Dommes in their own time that the lines between them are blurred, at best. And for another thing, I’m fairly confident in saying that any potential submissive to a lifestyle Domme would still be required to contribute monetarily in some fashion.
So what IS the opposite of a pro Domme, then? This stuck with me for a while. “Unprofessional” Domme is right out, for obvious reasons. “Amateur” Domme just conjures up visions of blurry photos and shaky video, so that’s no good. Eventually I happened across a great idea – an idea so good, it completely sidetracked me and got me on a completely different tangent. The elusive… Casual Domme.
(Pleas note that this is absolutely not a serious attempt at categorisation, or suggesting a new type of Domme, or anything like that. I just wanted a silly preamble excuse to talk about casual femdom. 😋)
Casual femdom, to me, is one of the sweetest things in the world.
Like, don’t get me wrong – I love protocol and high teas as much as the next owned slave. The fantasy of serving at a femdom garden party, equal parts slave, decoration, and living toy… It’s pretty much always present in my mind somewhere. But, regrettably (oh, so, regrettably) – sometimes fantasies are fantasies for a reason. That sort of thing just isn’t viable to keep up 24/7! Even if you think you’re up to it, spare a thought for your Domme – despite how you may think it’ll go, she’s the one who’ll wind up with most of the work.
Casual femdom, though. I’m sure it could happen right from the start of a relationship, but to me it seems mostly likely to appear after a decently long time has passed, and you’ve both gotten used to one another.
It can take the form of any number of things – in an in-person relationship, it could be her ordering off the menu for you when you go out, taking the first sip of your drink, or bite of your food. The possessive little touches – a pat on the head, a slap on the ass as she walks past. Maybe she instinctively reaches for you to hand her your card when you go shopping together, and when she gets her bags, she hands them off to you without thinking. It doesn’t have to be so gentle, of course – it could be a sharp tweak of the nipples, a nonchalant kick to the balls from across the table. Perhaps she decides on a whim that you’ll be sleeping in bondage! There’s no protocol to it, it’s not part of some greater scene. It just feels natural, and right, that things be like this – and so they are.
“Without thinking”, is an important part of it, I feel. It requires a certain familiarity, and trust, to even allow such things to happen in the first place. And once this trust has been established where she knows you’ll do what she asks, so does she even need to ask at this point? And if she doesn’t need to ask, then, well, why bother thinking about it? When it become something… instinctive, is when it becomes something truly special, at least to me. It’s similar to having a routine, in a way – maybe you cook dinner for her each day after work, or sleep at the foot of the bed every night – and over time and with repetition that, too, becomes unthinking.
Don’t take “unthinking” to mean “without affection”, though. My own Mistress calls me “slut” nearly every time we speak. Certainly more times than she’s called me by my name. And while it still has connections to its origins – that I’m just a slutty, sloppy, mess of a whore, broken-brained and ruined for her pleasure – it’s also become a term of endearment, in a way. It doesn’t matter if it’s in the kinkiest chat possible, or something unbearably sweet – “slut” has just become “the thing I am called”, “the thing that she calls me”, in pretty much any and all contexts. Incredibly lovely, and oh-so-casual – but at the same time, undeniably femdom, another way of reminding me that I’m hers.
The events of this tweet are a good example too, I think:
Now, I alluded to this in Show-Off! as well, but to summarise – Mistress took umbrage with the fact that I suggested she wouldn’t be to use a leash I’d bought on me, just because I was, pffft, on the other side of the world to her. So, she leashed me to my bed and went out shopping, telling me to sit and wait like a good puppy.
I’d sent a reasonable tribute earlier that day, so she was already spending my money, but I let her know I had my phone on me should she want a top-up. It wasn’t presented as “oh, you’re so powerful I can’t help but pay you” (although she is, and I can’t) – it was just “you have fun out there, let me know if there’s anything I can do for you”. Not “mwahaha, you dumb horny dog, you have no chance of escaping”, (although, again, not inaccurate!) but “you stay here and wait for me, puppy, I’ll be back soon”. The unspoken implications staying just that – unspoken, but still completely understood, their presence still firmly felt by both parties.
To sum up, then – I think the main reason I enjoy the idea of casual femdom so much is that (hopefully) it takes some of the stress, the effort, of planning a scene away from the Domme. Not that all D/s relationships are like this, of course – but typically, the Domme is the one “doing”, right? She’s the one deciding how you’ll be tied up, the one doing the pounding, the one figuring out how best to completely fuck your mind. When things can be more casual, you can keep that same level of slavery – the energy, the feelings remain the same, but without it being part of something so rigid as a full-on scene.
…Did any of that make sense? Truthfully, I’m still running on slut-brain over here, so I hope it did. If you have any casual femdom ideas you can think of, or examples from your own life, please let me know! I’m always happy to hear them. Thank you for reading! ❤